Break after “beacon of hope for my community.”I’ve been settling in pretty well in North Carolina, but I’ve been missing a sense of community. I’ve made some acquaintances up here, but none of my new connections feel as deep as any of the connections I had back home. I’m confident though, that with time and nurturing, these new connections will continue to flourish and grow, and I’m also confident in my ability to foster and develop other new connections the longer I’m here.
The biggest difference between the version of me now and the version of me that started writing “Puddle Stomping Barefoot in My Party Dress” is that the current version of me does, in fact, have a strong and stable sense of identity, both inside and outside of my romantic relationship. I have intimate understanding of my worth and of my values. I know what I want to protect, what I want to pursue, and what I want to give power to. For me, this is healing in action.
Sure, moving comes with a certain level of instability. I’m still trying to find my way around, and there are countless new favorite places yet to be discovered. I’m still trying to figure out where I fit, and what new characteristics I might discover in myself when experiencing a healthy domestic partnership for the first time.
But the discomfort I’m feeling in this moment is simply the discomfort of growth, and I welcome it. The version of me that began writing “Puddle Stomping Barefoot in My Party Dress” would be so proud of the current version of myself, that I’m not even sure they would believe this would be my reality in just five years. And I’m sure five years from now, the current version of me will feel quite similarly about that future version of myself. I have hope for my future, and confidence in my continued growth. That’s no small feat for a borderline, and once again, I find myself humbled and grateful to have become something of a beacon of hope for my community.
I didn’t set out to be a role model; I set out to heal, and the role model piece naturally followed. I don’t say this to toot my own horn; I say this, once again, to inspire hope in my fellow borderlines, those that love us, and those that are new to our diagnosis. If I can find happiness and healing, so too can my borderline siblings. Life can be surprising, and one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to welcome life’s surprises.
They almost always turn out better than you could have ever dreamed.
"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
